Latest update May 6th, 2024 12:59 AM
May 10, 2015 Features / Columnists, Freddie Kissoon
During the November 2011 election, my column before election day was captioned, “I’ve gotta be me,” title of the famous Sammy Davis Jr. song. In that column, I anticipated more victimization by a triumphalist PPP and I predicted my removal from UG should the PPP win. My UG contract was terminated days after the swearing of Donald Ramotar as president.
I added that whatever the PPP did with Guyana after November 2011, I would not dilute my independence of mind. I could not even if I wanted to, because it is who and what I am. I have embarked on a journey a long time ago to prevent what took place in my father’s life happening to me.
My dad was a mere semi-literate groundsman at the Georgetown Cricket Club, at a time when European domination of the Third World was the zeitgeist that enveloped the non-white world. My dad was a foolish man who let rum ruin his dignity. That was not going to happen to me. Rum was not for me. Being a groundsman was not for me.
The PPP won the election in 2011 and I lost my job at UG, faced a contempt of court charge brought by Minster Juan Edghill, suffered two brutal physical attacks, received the special attention of Khurshid Sattaur and endured a long libel trial brought by Bharrat Jagdeo. At the end of it all, I remained who I am.
Here are the words of that wonderful, philosophical reflection by Sammy Davis Jr.
Whether I’m right or whether I’m wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I’ve gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am?
I want to live, not merely survive
And I won’t give up this dream of life that keeps me alive
I’ve gotta be me, I’ve gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am
That far away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call
I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less
As long as there’s a chance that I can have it all
I’ll do it alone, that’s how it must be
I can’t be right for somebody else if I’m not right for me
I’ve gotta be free, I’ve gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die, I’ve gotta be me
The year 2011 is gone. We are into another election, the most important in the entire history of this country. Its outcome has far-reaching implications for me, my family, the newspaper I write for, some of my dear friends and my country.
The question asked in that 2011 column must be returned to. What do I do with my life after the elections if there is continuation of the old ways? As I did in that 2011 column, I believe if the PPP wins, old habits, old venalities, will continue. But there must be personal reflections because each year we get older, and uncertainties clog both the mind and imagination.
I can’t lose my job this time if the PPP wins. There is no job to lose; I don’t have one. But I fear for the newspaper I write for. I believe the Kaieteur News has played a priceless role in stopping dictatorship from murderous paths.
I leave you with a song that has been important in my life many, many moons ago. It was surprising to know that the girl that was to become my wife also loved it and the mutual love of that song helped to cement our togetherness
But that song is important to me in a very philosophical way. It helped me to discover the essence of who I am. It is an international hit covered by countless artists and even though I believe the disco queen Donna Summer has the best performance, my preference is for a version that I couldn’t understand my liking for.
I chose the 1972 version by an obscure British rock band, Beggars Opera. I always wondered to myself why I loved the version of Beggars Opera which at the time my friends in Wortmanville would say was typical white people music. And it was. Then one day I found out why I liked the rendition by Beggars Opera. Perhaps the Indian, African, Guyanese, Caribbean in me is less important than the me in me (as the existentialist would say).
MacArthur Park is about the longing for a time in one’s past when that moment was the happiest in your life. For me that moment was my time as a student at UG, and with the WPA, when Guyana was worth fighting for. After voting, I suspect most Guyanese will stay off the roads. While at home you can go to YouTube and watch Donna Summer or Beggars Opera perform MacArthur Park. I have substituted Guyana for the woman as the object of love. Here are the words:
Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love’s hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants
MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, no
I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers
By the trees
There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You’ll still be the one
I will take my life into my hands
And I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes
And I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I’ll be thinking of you
And wondering why
GRA catch EXXON trying to hunch GUYANA over 11 BUS dollars in one shot!!!!
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