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 From fingerprints to toe-prints and big heads

Nov 20, 2024 Dem Boys Seh, Features / Columnists

…Dem Boys Seh

Kaieteur News- Dem boys seh de Opposition want fingerprint verification before people vote. Dem seh is to mek sure nobody vote two times or to avoid voter impersonation. But dem boys seh not everybody in Guyana got fingerprints. Wuh dem gon do about de hard-working cane-cutta who done wear out dem fingers from chopping cane or dem masons who mixing cement all day… or de lil old lady who been wash clothes so long her fingers smooth like glass? Dem people nah gan be allowed to vote?

Dem boys seh, time fuh innovation! If no fingerprint deh, tek de big toe. Everybody got one, and big toe print hard to fake. And if de big toe missing, tek de lil toe. But wait, wah happen to de people who lose all dem toe? Dem boys seh, simple! Measure de size of de person head. If de head big, dey vote; if it small, dey vote too, but wid extra scrutiny.

Dis biometrics ting getting outta hand. Dem boys hear somebody seh if de fingerprint, toe-print, and head measurement fail, dem should introduce voice recognition. But dem boys know how Guyanese accent confuse machines. Wah if de system reject somebody because it think dey seh “vote” when dey really seh “goat”?

Anudda suggestion come in: DNA testing. But dem boys seh dem don’t trust that. Imagine standing in a line waiting fuh results, and dem lab mix up de samples. Next ting yuh hear, you related to somebody yuh didn’t even know was yuh cousin. Chaos in de polling place!

Dem boys seh voting in Guyana always got drama, and now de Opposition adding to it. Dem seh all these checks to make sure nobody thief election, but dem boys seh Guyanese already got de best system: who win, win, and who lose does she, “election rig.”

Dem boys seh forget de fingerprint and de toe print. Just mek sure people know where the polling station deh, dem party gat dem scrutineers on hand and let de system work. Otherwise, we gon need a whole forensic lab at every polling station!

Talk half. Leff half.

 (From fingerprints to toe-prints and big heads)

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