Offering free lessons in the language to our MPs

Feb 26, 2021 Letters

DEAR EDITOR,

Permit me, please, the space to announce the courtesy of extending my public service to our beloved and revered Members of Parliament, every one of them, through a free and unlimited offer of lessons in the refined use of the English Language to suit every occasion. I revisit what happened in the makeshift parliament on Monday only for context, and not to regurgitate what took place; or to lash out, though it is tempting. I seek to help to make our MPs better, our listening and reading experiences much more embraceable.
Before proceeding, I must say this: in no way or to any degree do I condone or would support what was hurled from both sides of the aisle with such visceral venomousness. I just can’t go near to such vicious malice, which I credit to my training and upbringing, and which I think that many of our parliamentary grandees utterly lack. Might have been their environment; or I would go so far as to say traceable to pedigree. But I look at what was said, and think that the same could have been uttered, but with this one caveat: though it delivers the required sting and punch, it is sheathed in the sophistications and nuances of our dear mother tongue. I thank the British for that; and I refer to the example of the House of Commons.
Editor, it is well know that Hon. Members over there could be rambunctious and raucous, when circumstances demand. Yet there are lines that are never crossed. I could hear one of them intoning something to this effect: The Hon. Member from the far side needs to reorient himself with the wonders of the colour scheme that is part of his apparel, so as to get a grip. There it is, with message delivered with aplomb and stoic relish; let the audience decide whether the employment of ‘colour scheme’ refers to sartorial splendor, or racial composition, or predisposition of any kind. No one has to descend from the ark and look to the heavens for the inspiration of a scriptural kaleidoscope to ram home a position. Or to refer to it to gore. Everybody is on the same page, but limited in rebuttal. There is a chance to save face by both parties. Matter over, next item on the agenda.
Then, there was the matter of the Hon. Gentleman, who felt it was necessary to pierce similarly. I would school in this manner. ‘Since there is known penchant for things and toys youthful, there should be great care in throwing stones where there are no glass houses.’ What could be neater than that? Why plunge headlong into the sewerage system, which only obscures and distracts from the point intended to be made, and makes more repulsive than the object of vilification?
As I am on the matter of toys, I must admit that that one was of the nth power in the titillations that it delivered to Guyanese. The Hon. Member ought to be extremely proud of that production, whether his prop was for reference purposes only or not. It would have been majestically better if the toy-wielding member of Guyana’s legislative house saw it fit to proclaim that ‘the previous government delivered vibrators that were supposed to be helpful to the heart, but somehow what they delivered was closer to the area of the groin. Mr. Speaker, if the coalition was so anatomically challenged then clearly it was identically challenged on governmental issues. No picture should be necessary, enabling subtitles a scorned redundancy.
Editor, I cannot help it, so I inquire: where do we get these patriots from? Which planet was delighted to be rid of them? And here are the bigger questions, what do we do with them? What can we get out of them that is progressive? What expectations can there be for them to work together to get the business of this nation from here to there?
The single ray of light was the courtesy extended to the member whose forebear went to the hereafter, which was reversed most unceremoniously by directing how and when to grieve. The same message could have been gotten across (though I would go nowhere to this) by saying: surely at this testing time, it is more advisable to take a breather, to spare thine own self? It is fit and proper to conduct self with more grace, if only for the dignity that belongs at such a hurting moment.’ Both ut and recipient would benefit immensely from such a (barbed) courtesy, which camouflages the subtlest of warning notes. Don’t push the envelope.
Editor, I think that most of them don’t know better, have grown up with the coarseness of the crude commodity that needs some refining. Lack of the appropriate schooling. Lack of personal pride. Lack of that indefinable something that commands: don’t go there. Not now, not ever. I remind one and all that the lessons would be on the house. They need it; whether they put such to use is outside of my control. I move on.

Sincerely,
GHK Lall