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TOUCHY FEELY WILLY NILLY

Oct 03, 2009 News

The term “touchy feely” generally refers to people with considerably empathy who need to have both a physical and emotional connection with other people.
They want the best of all possible outcomes in the best of all possible worlds.
Unfortunately, there are touchy feely people who not only break the mould but would pound it into submission and shatter it into a million pieces.
In this sense the most touchy feely anomalies I have ever met are employed by the Airports Authority of Trinidad and Tobago (AATT).  They not only touch and feel, they also grab and grope.
If employees reflect the personalities of those who recruit and supervise them, and if we base our expectations on what they do in public, the escapades of these guards or what they do in private should easily merit the exclamation “But A A TT!”
And it is not only female TTs they feel up, they also feel down, and that does not mean they’re depressed.  In fact, judging by the expression on the face of the last guard who “dusted” me down, I could see that he was enjoying his job – perhaps too much – but not as much as the female guard who insisted that the hand-held scanners were no good in “ketching” people with drugs.
You had to use your hands (and perhaps your imagination) and she does that on men and women, willy nilly so to speak.
I keep insisting that Barbados and the other airports never “feel up” travelers and even the hand scanners are not used unreasonably.  However, in addition to being “feely” the AATT guards are also quite touchy about it and get very angry when told that they might be enjoying their jobs too much and that “hands-on” experience does not need to be taken too literally.
What should not be taken literally either is a statement I saw in the September/October 2009 edition of Caribbean Beat, the in-flight magazine of Caribbean Airlines.  On page 59, under a red-letter headline that says “Drinks & eats:  They’re included…keep your wallets in your pocket”, we read “Caribbean Airlines provides complimentary meals or snack on all flights for all passengers.”
I keep my wallet in my pocket because I don’t trust Caribbean Airlines.
Last week I traveled from Antigua to Barbados to Trinidad, a journey which, with airport waiting time, takes close to five hours.
There was nothing complimentary.  If I did the same journey with LIAT I would get a drink on each leg of the trip and at least one snack.  More, LIAT does not torture me with an extremely long commercial masquerading as in-flight entertainment.
Every other airline I know allows you to choose if you want to listen to anything but the flight crew announcements.  Caribbean Airlines, like BWIA which it continues to be in spirit and even in name (all flights have BW as their prefix), has absolutely no regard for its passengers.
The return trip will be the same.  Nothing to eat or drink on a trip that will take me at least five hours excluding my journey from Port-of-Spain to Piarco Airport in Trinidad which can be anything from 30 minutes to several hours.
At some times, you can get out, change your tyre and the vehicles on your lane have not moved an inch.
I have a solution for those who are responsible for the misinformation and for the Piarco Airport Security.
I would have the Caribbean Airlines magazine staff and its top management get hand searched by the touchy feelies at the airport and then seat belts fastened glue their eyelids open and play the nuisance commercial at full blast for the entire round trip without any food or water.
Upon their return I would reverse the roles and let them search the guards and their managers who might enjoy the frisking but not the plane ride to Antigua and back, watching the commercial.
The only problem is that if, as they say, a sadist is a masochist’s best friend, they might all defeat my purpose and enjoy the experience.

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