Word is out that if you fall asleep on the job, Kaieteur News will publish your photograph on the front page. Ever since this newspaper published on its front page a photograph of senior operative of the Ministry of Labour sleeping at a conference while the minister was delivering the feature address, there has been less dozing off in our National Assembly.
Quite a few Members of Parliament are known for nodding off during sessions. During a recent sitting, a senior Government official who sits in the National Assembly was about to take a snooze when he noticed the Kaieteur News reporter sitting in the press gallery.
That member quickly rubbed his eyes, got up, and went to the coffee room to recharge his batteries. Another member from the opposition bench was about to fall asleep when he, too, noticed our cameraman at the ready. He flashed a smile, rubbed his eyes and tried not to fall asleep.
I often wonder what would be the reaction if, one day, there was snoring in the Assembly. Now, that would make for some headlines. Would it not?
Not only would the snoring be embarrassing, it would also prevent some of the other Parliamentarians from falling asleep.
I once read about a Marine who pulled into a little town where every room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”
“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”
“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.
“Never better!” he replied
The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”
“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.
“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager. “He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”
One day, the Peeper overheard this conversation between a patient and a doctor.
Patient: Doctor, as soon as I fall asleep I start snoring.
Doctor: Is your snoring loud?
Patient: Yes, very.
Doctor: And does it bother your wife?
Patient: I’m not married.
Doctor: Then what’s the problem?
Patient: I have lost five jobs because of it.
One guy I knew had problems sleeping. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra strong sleeping pills. Sunday night the guy took the pills, slept well, and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to the boss: “I didn’t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”
“That’s fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?
Then there was the case of the clever businessman desperately trying to take a nap on a plane, except that sitting next to him was a mathematician who wanted to talk.
The mathematician leaned over to the businessman and asked if he would like to play a fun game. The businessman politely declined and rolled over to the window to catch a few winks.
The mathematician persisted, and explained that the game was real easy and lots of fun. He explained, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.”
Again, the businessman politely declined and tried to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, said, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $50!”
This caught the businessman’s attention, and he saw no end to this torment unless he played, so he agreed to the game. The mathematician asked the first question. “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The businessman didn’t say a word, but reached into his wallet, pulled out a five-dollar bill and handed it to the mathematician.
Now, it was the businessman’s turn. He asked the mathematician: “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?”
The mathematician looked up at him with a puzzled look. He took out his laptop computer and searched all of his references. He tapped into the air phone with his modem and searched the Internet. Frustrated, he sent e-mail to his co-workers, all to no avail.
After about an hour, he awoke the businessman and handed him $50. The businessman politely took the $50 and turned away to try to get back to sleep.
The mathematician then hit the businessman, saying: “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?”
The businessman calmly pulls out his wallet, handed the mathematician five dollars, and went back to sleep.
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