Latest update April 24th, 2024 12:59 AM
Nov 11, 2014 Features / Columnists, Peeping Tom
Guyanese have added a new word to their lexicon. It is “prorogue”. Yesterday a man heard that the President had prorogued parliament. He asked his friend what that meant. The friend was not keen on a long explanation so he said, “It is like a separation rather than a divorce. It is putting something on pause. You take a little time out, say six months and then you resume after.”
The man decided that he needed some time-out from his marriage so he went home and told his wife that he was proroguing their marriage.
“What is that? “She asked.
“Well,” he explained. “I am not divorcing you. I am putting the marriage on pause. It will give us some time to talk things over.”
The woman has not said a word since. When he asked her why they are not talking she said, “She has prorogued the talks.”
Yesterday, also, a married woman heard the word “prorogue” for the first time and decided to go and see her lawyer. She told him she wanted to prorogue her marriage. Her lawyer was at first confused and asked her if what she meant was that she wanted a divorce.
“No”, she answered, “I do not wish to end the marriage. I just wish to have it prorogued.”
The lawyer was still a bit confused but asks the lady, “Why do you wish to prorogue your marriage? I recall that five years ago at your birthday party you described your husband as a man of rare gifts.”
“He is,” she replies “He’s never given me a present in twenty years of marriage.”
The lawyer was not convinced that he could make out a case on this basis. So he asked her, “Is there another reason why you want a prorogation?”
“Yes there is,” she replied, “I want a divorce because of his appearance.”
“That’s an unusual reason,” says the lawyer.
“Not really,” she says. “He hasn’t put in an appearance at home for four years.
Then there was this case of a guy whose fortieth anniversary was approaching. So he decided that he needed to get his wife a special gift. He went to her and asked her what she wanted for her anniversary. “Would you like a diamond ring?”
“Not really,” she says
“Well how about a new car?” he asks.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a vacation to Barbados then?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a “No thanks.”
“Well what would you like for your anniversary?” the husband asks.
“I’d like a divorce,” she answers Sadie.
“Oh, I wasn’t planning to spend that much!” he says.
In most separations, the wife usually comes out the better. Some men try to threaten and intimidate their wives but in the end the woman always wins.
Once there was this case of an old man and his wife. They were married for years even though they disliked each other intensely. The husband would often threaten the woman by saying, “When I die, I will dig my way out of the grave and come back and haunt you.”
The neighbours took this threat seriously because they knew that this man dabbled in dark magic. The neighbours were afraid of the man.
To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack. His wife did not open the casket during the funeral. After the burial she headed straight to the local pub and began to party as if tomorrow would never arrive.
Her neighbours were concerned for her because they remembered her husband’s threat to dig his way out of the grave and return to haunt her. So they asked her, “Are you not afraid that your husband will dig his way out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?”
The wife put down her drink and said. “Let the old creep dig. I buried upside down.”
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