Latest update April 19th, 2024 12:59 AM
Mar 28, 2010 Features / Columnists, My Column
Men are a strange species. In the first instance, we men want all that could be had and at the same time we take for granted what we have. I happened to be sitting at the Demerara Cricket Club the other night when something strange happened. There was a group of women out for a relaxing time and from all appearances it seemed as if they had shunned whoever men they had— at least for the night.
These women are a far cry from the women of my younger days. They have no problem in having a drink and the drink is not confined to juice or something soft. This night the group seemed to be content with drinking beer.
A man who happened to be with his friends decided that he was going to buy a round for the women without asking them. The women did not refuse because there is a saying that one should not look a gift horse in the mouth. But there is also a saying that nothing comes for free, not even the air we breathe.
After a while this man struck up a conversation and I could only assume that he was planning on future meetings. The women were friendly but they all seemed to shut down the idea of a future encounter under more sedate or cosy circumstances. So the man walked back to his group and I heard him mutter that some women are impossible. I am still to find out what he meant. One thing is certain, he is right. Women are impossible.
Men go out and drink then go home. They lie in bed with a woman and they reek of stale alcohol and if they smoke, tobacco. I was one of them. These days I often wonder how my now ex-wife tolerated me for so long with that smell right next to her. Even the cigarette breath is something that a normal person would run from. The experts call it dragon breath.
But women for one reason or the other stay, and they love the man. It must be something in their makeup. Perhaps it has to do with the concept of protection. A man is supposed to protect his family. That is why when people get married, at the altar, the wife is on the man’s left. His right hand is supposed to be the hand that would offer protection.
But there is a caveat here. Supposed the man is left handed? And the church does not allow the woman to stand on his right. It is not a case of the man indicating that he is left handed and he needs to state his intention to protect the woman by having her stand on his right.
But for all the talk of protection, I have known men who ran and left their woman at the first sign of trouble. There is a reporter who now works with the state media. One day in February 2003, she happened to be in Regent Street with her father for some shopping. At the same time gunmen struck a cambio right across the road from City Hall.
The reporter, who at the time was working with Kaieteur News, managed to reach the office all flustered and worried. She had lost her father and there was no word about his whereabouts. She later said that when her father heard the first gunshot he ran for it, forgetting that his daughter was there with him.
One man actually used his wife as a shield when some dogs attacked them. I used to remember that the woman was the one who would run behind the husband and grab him thus rendering him useless to defend himself, much more her.
There is another thing about men. Some beat their spouses then seek to lie in the same bed with the woman. One man did just that and I can tell you that his marriage is no more.
I do not remember what the issue was but there was the beating. And it is strange how most of these beatings occur at nights. The woman cried and planned to do something to ensure that never again would her man put his hand on her.
It was a Sunday so the following day was a working day. The man decided to sleep. The woman got out of bed and put a pan of oil on the fire. The man must have heard or smelt something because he woke up and discovered for himself that something was afoot and that he was likely to suffer immense pain.
He sat in a chair from where he decided to keep an eye on his wife. That thing called sleep tells no one when it is coming. The man nodded only to be roused by a hissing sound. The woman had sprinkled some water in the hot oil.
The woman later told me that she did this every time he nodded. When he got up to go to her begging, she would simply pick up the pan and he would retreat to a safe distance. I know that he moved out the next day, never to return.
But there are those women who accept the man for all his faults. Men complain that their woman has grown too fat when they themselves have drooping bellies and the woman loves them the same way.
I suppose that there is a lot about women that I will never understand.
There is the joke about the man who asked God to build him a highway so that he could walk from Guyana to the United States. The Good Man immediately asked him whether he would not wish to make another request given the engineering that would be involved.
The joke continues that the man asked God to help him understand his wife. God simply asked the man whether he wanted a two-lane or a four-lane highway.
Please share this to every Guyanese including your house cats.
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